Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Defensor's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, November 7th, 2009
1:29 pm	this is great. I'm super super sick, and now my car won't start. thankfully everything's still under warranty, and my performance plan thing includes free towing. blah. death would be pleasant. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 1st, 2009
8:52 pm	I shall soon be in possession of a wii. dell.com has them for $179. I jumped on it, and they even approved me for a dell preferred account. wheee! I know I'm very odd, but I actually don't mind being in debt a bit. here's my deal. I have the hardest time saving money. I love to buy things. so, if you tell me you'll sell me something for $179, but I can pay it off in 6 months paying $35, I don't really mind the interest you've earned off me. also, walmart has a great deal on a laptop for $348. and, nowhere on the ad does it say no rainchecks or limited supplies, or anything like that. if you're needing a laptop and have been saving up for a little bit and aren't looking for top of the line or anything, grab it. it's got a dual core processor, 4gb of ram, 250gb hard drive, and windows 7 64bit. I got approved for a walmart card, so I'll be using that as soon as it comes in, which should be this week. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 26th, 2009
11:54 pm	has anyone seen paranormal activity? if so, what is your opinion? warning: if you ventured forth to a theater, your version ends much differently than the one I saw. I youtubed the theatrical ending, and it's much better. I understand what they were trying to do... yet.. I didn't think it was that scary. (Comment on this)
3:21 pm	a post of emily's has given me a super idea for a story. I stayed home from work today with upset tummyness. blah. I must write more. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
9:46 pm	today was most long. we got paid early again, so that part was fun. but they screwed up my pay, and didn't pay me 10 hours of ot I worked, and then 4.75 hours I was due from the previous check. I'm fine, the money's not a big deal. I can make it without that extra until my next check. it's just annoying that I'm probably going to have to go thru every single check from now on with a fine tooth comb. my voice is all hoarse today. you get that from trying to sing guns n roses without any type of warming up. bad bad idea. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 12th, 2009
11:46 pm	good things abounded today. I had my meeting with the sup I filled in for. she said I did a fabulous job, and will recommend I fill in again whenever she vacations. and then.. I got a new phone! it was more than time, as the one I had was quite old. I got an LG Vu. it was free with a contract renewal, which I don't mind. I'm not really going anywhere, and at&t's service is pretty good. my only complaint is with their website. it's down more often than not. there's an $18 activation fee, but that's fairly standard. and! I got a new sim card free, and they used to charge $36 for those. it's a touchpad phone, so I'm having to learn how to use it. I'm keeping my old phone to use as an alarm clock. next week should be a quite decent paycheck. I look forward to it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 10th, 2009
12:47 am	so, I didn't go to the u2 concert tonight. my friend I was going to go with cancelled on me. I found the excuse pretty lame. I read into it: "when you asked me a few months ago it sounded like fun. now that it's time to actually do it, no thanks." great. thanks a lot. I asked another friend, who took about 4 days to get back to me. she said no, she couldn't go. well, why couldn't you have just said that the first day I asked you? I asked another, and she wasn't sure if she could go or not. finally! honesty! instead of "I don't really want to have to say no, so let me put it off" an actual honest to god response. in the end, I gave up, and gave the tickets to tokedia's boyfriend. I figured he needed the distraction. I did the fill in sup thing this week. it was hard. I had to deal with a lot of bullshit from some of the people. the worst part was getting up early. I had to get up at 6 to be there at 8. except, my brain kept wanting to go to sleep at 1:30. all week I was crazy tired. I nearly fell asleep wednesday monitoring someone. but, I hope I did well, and will be considered for promotioning. I've been ripping bluray disks. the problem I didn't realize... the 50gb bdr disks are about $20 each! the 25gb disks are a lot less expensive, but... right. the main movie files are bigger than 25gb. I'll probably just fill up a bunch of external drives. we'll see. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 9th, 2009
2:17 pm	what the fuck?? obama won the nobel prize??? FOR WHAT?? he hasn't done a fucking thing! that is an absolute joke. in one fell swoop the nobel peace prize has lost entirely all of its value. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 3rd, 2009
5:21 pm	Tokedia's funeral was today. It was beautiful. I was up til 5am working on the slideshow. I had to get the timing right, but it still went a bit long. I also spoke. This is what I said. I met Tokedia when she started working at Embarq. We were both on Kevin Depaolo’s team. My first memory of her is hearing her laugh, and thinking “what the hell is that ungodly racket?” It was startling, but, something you had to get used to, as you’d hear it repeated every few minutes. We’d talk and type in the team chat room, and she was so funny. I used to make it a game to try to get her to laugh while talking to a customer, and she’d yell, telling me I better stop. We’d also race trying to be the first to answer questions in there, and I’d tease her when she beat me, which was most of the time, calling her the Encyclopedia Tokedia. She was an amazing person, so friendly and giving. I’ll tell a story here to demonstrate why I valued Tokedia’s friendship so much. A few years ago, my father passed away. It shook me up badly. The day afterwards, I was in a daze. I came in to work, to try to get back to some semblance of normalcy. I ran into Tokedia, and told her what had happened. She offered to take the day off and spend it with me, cheering me, even though she was out of paid time off. Everyone here will tell you, she would’ve done it too. I told her it was ok, I’d be ok that day, but I never forgot what she was willing to do to help a friend in need. In the past week and a half I’ve been struggling to reconcile two questions that keep popping into my head. The first question is why. Why did this have to happen? I mean no disrespect to anyone’s belief system. Whether you believe everything happens to God’s plan, whether you believe in fate, or whether you believe there is only chance and happenstance. The answer I’ve come up with in pondering the question of why is: Life. There is so much in the world, and in the experience we call life. So much pain and suffering. Why are there hurricanes and earthquakes, that cause destruction and death? Why are there plane crashes, car accidents, fatal illnesses? But there’s more, there’s another side. If you have children, you know the miracle of birth, of raising and guiding a young life. There’s the mystic chord good music can strike in all our souls. The touch of love in our hearts. Have you ever noticed we tend to not ask why the good things happen? The second question that plagues me is what if. What if this had happened instead. What if that. I think these two questions in a way answer each other, coming back full circle to the same conclusion, life. Don’t worry, I’m not going to start singing Elton John songs about the circle of life. But this really is what life is, the bad taken with the good, tempered and measured by experience and memories. I won’t ask “what if.” I’m going to remember what was. That is Tokedia, and her zest for life. I don’t have a single memory of her devoid of her laughter. She was a good friend, and made me a better person because of her friendship. With respect again to everyone’s beliefs, I believe there is an afterlife. Someday we’ll all hear Tokedia’s laughter there once more. Until then, we can cherish the time we were blessed to have her with us, and honor her by laughing each and every day, just as she showed us how. We go through life, and sometimes we fall out of contact. With Tokedia, you might've fallen out of touch, but you never fell out of feeling. Thank you for allowing me to speak. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 27th, 2009
12:54 am	I must be losing my mind. seriously. I put my computer together, and it's awesome. however. it has 8gb of ram. a 32bit operating system will only recognize about 3 or 3.5gb of ram. that's why whenever you see a computer with 4 or more gb of ram for sale, it always says it comes with 64bit vista. in preparing for this, I got a copy of vista ultiate 64bit form a guy at work. I installed it, and it was flying around, and I was very wheeful. then today I noticed it was only recognizing a little over 3gb of ram. I did some investigating, and the guy from work gave me a 32bit vista disk. the thing is... I have an absolutely lucid and clear recollection of seeing that the o/s said it was a 64bit version. it says now that it's 32bit, and it's impossible it said otherwise. yet. I clearly recall it doing so. so, I had to contact the hacker who made this version, and he sells the 64bit version for $35. I could've waited til monday to see if the guy at work had that version, but, I am forever impatient, and coughed up the $35. the 64bit version now installs. I've had a hard time reconciling tokedia's death. part of it was seeing her right before they turned the life support off. it brought me back to the day my dad died, and watching his last breath. I've never gotten over that, and I doubt I ever will. I probably shouldn't have gone to see her, knowing that could've happened. but I had to, and had to say goodbye. she was a good friend. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009
7:36 pm	my friend tokedia will die today or tomorrow. I haven't been saying anything about it. it's complicated. we haven't known what it was. the doctors wouldn't tell her boyfriend since they're not married. her only family is her mom, who.... is a specimen. she doesn't care about her, and wouldn't make the trip of 2 hours to come see her daughter. her sister is in new york and couldn't really be gotten hold of. it seems like she's had a brain tumor. she's been in a state assisted care facility. she was in a bad way. I was going to go see her last saturday. but... I couldn't. I don't do well in places or situations like that. we got word today she was taken to the hospital to have emergency brain surgery. apparently, when she got there, they did some cat scans. she was hemmoraghing(sp) in her brain, and they said the tumor was inoperable. she went brain dead. she's on life support. they finally got hold of her sister, who made the decision to terminate life support. that's happening today or tomorrow. I left work to go see her. she was... so removed. just gone. weak and fragile. she was a wonderful person. not without fault, of course. who isn't? but she was so strong, and funny, and sweet. kind, caring, considerate. when my dad died, she offered to take the day off work and spend it with me, even tho she was in attendance trouble at the time. it's not my place to go into details about it all... but... part of me is furious. this possibly could've been averted. you don't just develop a huge tumor that's inoperable. it takes time. this will sound so bad... but I wish they'dve told me about this sooner. not that I could've saved her. but I know lots of things. part of the problem was no one could get legal authorization to make medical decisions for her. if I'd known, I could've told them how to do that. my mom owned that nursing home, I saw stuff like that happen all the time. blah. but that's wishful thinking, even. there's no guarantee it would've been in time anyway. I just want to beat myself up over something I couldn't control. she was just 28. such a terrific person. at least I got to say goodbye to her. I told her I loved her and she left me with nothing but good memories. I feel so terrible for her boyfriend. he's gone thru hell the past few months. goodbye, tokedia. thank you for your friendship. you will be missed, and remembered. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
10:03 pm	some things I don't understand. why do people quit myspace to go to facebook... only to add the exact same people they had on myspace? that seems trendily lemmingish, and I abhor that mentality. they're just going to abandon facebook when the next big thing comes out. most annoying. my computer begins to arrive. if everything comes according the promises of ups, it will be ready for assembly thursday on the eve. that is most fuck yeahly. I have little else to report. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 17th, 2009
12:46 am	I've decided I'm going to treat myself. I'm splurging to get a kick ass computer. it'll be quad core, starting with 8gb ram (it'll end up with 16gb when I'm done), 4.5tb hard drive space (starting out with 2.5, the next 2 will come in a few months), 1gb video card, a blu ray reader, and other choice internal goodies. I'll have the main part assembled within 2 weeks. I've got the case, video card, ram, and power supply ordered. I'll be picking up the main hard drive this week. I have to wait til I get my next bonus gift card in to order the motherboard and cpu combo. it has onboard sound, which I'll use for a little bit. then I'll get a discrete sound card. I can take the dvd burner from my old computer until I get the blu ray player. and then it's just the second hard drive, which is going to end up being the most expensive part of the while deal. the ultimate plan: I'm going to start getting blu ray movies from netflix, and ripping them to the second (well, technically third) hard drive. just high def copies of certain movies, like iron man, etc. I've been downloading some high def copies, in 720p and 1080p, and, ok, I'm a convert. my monitor displays 1080p, and it's fucking amazing. it doesn't make financial sense just yet to invest in a blu ray writer. the player itself is expensive, and the disks are also $3 - $5 each. I figure, I've been busting my ass. I deserve a small treat. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 11th, 2009
6:05 pm	the rockassness has come into being! for the first week of october, I will be a fill-in interim manager. one of the managers is going on vacation, and they need someone to be a sup for her team. my sup put me up for it and they picked me! I won't get paid any more, but it's a chance to impress the powers that be, and when a sup spot opens up, I'll have it on my resume that I've already done the job. wheeeeee! that's all I ask. give me an opportunity. (Comment on this)
12:27 am	potentially rockass news, I must keep to myself for the nonce. I will not jinx myself! no. things are wellishly great. this month could suck because they want coaches to be on the phones. they're hiring more people, which they've needed for forever, but have resisted, instead trying to squeeze every ounce of enforced performance from us. I'm a happyman. wheee! see. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
10:15 pm	7 new people starting this week. their training was shite. they don't know a fucking thing. one of them quit after the first day. the sup called her when she didn't come in, and she hung up on him. so, tomorrow I give my infamous super training that takes 3 hours. these people are so hopeless, we're scheduling it for 4 and a half. I don't fully mind. I've worked 22 hours in 2 days. if I hit 55 hours this week, that'll go along nicely with the 49 from last week. I can stand 24 hours of ot on my next check at time and a half. (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 30th, 2009
11:50 am	arkham asylum = video game porn. heaven! it's going to be even worse on the 15th when marvel ultimate alliance 2 comes out. (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 22nd, 2009
2:22 pm	currently, I wait for my car to have its oil changed and tires rotated. wheee! at least they have free wi-fi. work has been workly, meaning busy, hectic, and annoying. I *might* try to change my position. I don't like some of the choices that have been made regarding personnel, and I think it bodes ill for the department. I might go to the gm for another dept and see what could be made for me. I've proven myself time and again that I'm awesome, talented, and hyper-competent. weirdness: I got a call yesterday from someone asking for tiffany. I was like uhhh no, this isn't a contact number for her. then she asked for arlene or michael. I think her dad's name is mike, but I'm not sure if arlene is her mom. I asked who was calling, and they said they were sorry and would update their records. I could hear the unmistakable sound of call center in the background. what was weird, the phone number was from a 201 area code, which I came to learn is new jersey. I did *67 and called the number back, and it's a bank. so, apparently she's in collections for something, and gave them my phone number as a contact number. wonderful. if I start getting more calls for her, I'm going to say she's in prison for prostitution. I'm happier than I've ever been before. I don't need or want ANYTHING to do with her. blech. I plan to have chinese food today. why? because it's there! and tasty. yummy ass tasty! (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 2nd, 2009
10:23 pm	cooked onions smell like rank BO. somehow whenever there are cooked onions around, I always manage to get some on me somehow. it could even just be totally in my head. yet I always think when I smell them that it's me. today was decent. I went over to my sister's, and bought steak for my brother's birthday. I ate humongously. I missed 4 days of work last week with ill type feelings. ever since I've gained a bunch of weight back, all my old health issues are resurfacing. I really need to get off my ass and start living better, and actually do it instead of just talk about it. we'll see. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 24th, 2009
1:08 am	follow your heart as far as your head that's as far as it ought to be led that passes the emily test, and thus is worthy of future consideration for inclusion in a song/poem. (Comment on this)