Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Defensor's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, February 6th, 2010
10:19 pm	my god. daybreakers is a horrible film. strongest possible recommendation to avoid. (Comment on this)
12:10 pm	I hang in there. the cpap machine... the mask irritated the bridge of my nose the first night, causing swelling and general pus-running grossness. I keep waking up during the night, so without a full, uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep, I can't tell how effective it is. it's supposed to make me feel all refreshed and full of energy, but that's not happening. but, it's something new and I'll have to get used to it, so I won't pass judgement yet. money is going to be an issue, potentially. I can't go back to work until I see the cardiologist, which will be friday. I could put in for short term disability, but I have to get a dr to sign off on it, and I foresee trouble with that. "well, I'm not your primary dr." "I'm your primary dr but this is the first time I'm seeing you. I can't put you on STD without knowing what's going on." etc. they changed the way we get our pto this year. instead of getting it all at once, we accrue it during the year in about 5.5 hour increments per pay period. so... I have like 10 hours of pto then. and even then, STD only pays you like 2/3 of your salary. what makes this even worse is I was short on money anyway. I went a little over budget during xmas, and then I missed that week at work at the end of the year. I was counting on this month to make me square again. but, it's ok. I'll make it. (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 4th, 2010
6:45 am	I just got back from my second sleep study in as many days! the results from my first one were so bad, they called me back immediately. a normal person's oxygen level during the night is 95 - 100%. mine was 53%. so basically half the time when I'm sleeping, I'm not breathing. awesome, right? back I went. mind you, I still look like a junkie. I've got bruises all over my arms where they were trying to find veins to run an iv. the beginning part of last night was unpleasant. I've never been claustrophobic that I was aware of before, but when they first put the mask on me... I did not enjoy it. it brought me right back to sunday, to the time I was most terrified in the ambulance. they had an oxygen tube in my nose, but I was still having trouble breathing. they tried to put a mask on me that covered my nose and mouth, but I couldn't breathe thru that at all. that's when I started thinking I was going to die. if I couldn't do something simple like that that is *known* to help, I was feeling I was about to be a goner. so, when they put the cpap mask on me last night, even just the one that covered my nose, mentally that's where I found myself. back in the ambulance, thinking I couldn't breathe, and scared I was about to die. I had the guy take the mask off and asked what the other alternatives were. there basically aren't any. I could get surgery, but the insurance wouldn't pay for it unless we tried the cpap first. thus, I had to bear it. it turned out to be bearable. it's a very weird sensation, to breathe in against air. but, they said it went very well, my oxygen level thru the night was 98%. I don't FEEL any better, but that's probably due to the raised expectations I had coming in about how great cpaps were, and the fact that I woke up quite a few times during the night still, so I didn't get uninterrupted sleep. they've contacted a home health company to deliver the cpap today. that's how bad it is for me. what should take a week or two they're bypassing because it's such an emergency. it's necessary tho. if I don't have this, it's only a matter of time until I would have another heart attack. that was my night. I hope others had it better? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010
6:31 am	I just got back from my sleep study. amazingly, they could get me in the same day. it's official, I have sleep apnea. they'll call me to go back in a day or two to test out cpap settings. this is the first part of recovery, and will prevent the causes that led up to the heart attack. incidentally, I have cleanly shaven calves now. they had to hook up a bunch of stuff to my legs, and they rubbed some stuff on my calves to remove the hair. I can only imagine it was nair or a nair derivative. odd. thanks for all the wellwishes. I am very much grateful. :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010
11:44 am	I had a heart attack sunday. I woke up and my heartbeat was racing. this is not unfamiliar territory. I have sleep apnea. normally I can control this by breathing deeply. sunday, I could not. I was having trouble breathing. I called 911. long story short, the prolonged racing of my heart caused a heart attack. I spent sunday and monday in the hospital, and got out today. they wanted to do what's called a heart catheter, where they put this tube up thru my leg and into my heart. they'd pump some dye and check for damage or blocked veins. but! they don't put you under for the procedure. so for two hours, you're sitting there. then when it's done, you have to sit totally stll for two more hours. I can't do that. then they wanted to do what's called an ablation, where they put electrical tubes in me and thread them to my heart. they can recreate the arrhythmia and try to fix it. with both procedures there's a 500-1 risk of me having a stroke, another heart attack, or even dying. I don't like those odds. especially since I only ever have this happen because of the sleep apnea. so I elected to take medication and get a sleep study done, and get a cpap machine. and, I have to become healthy again. I really thought I was going to die sunday at one point. that's not a fun thing. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 25th, 2010
7:21 am	well. that wasn't fun. I've spent the last hour and a half thinking I was on the verge of a heart attack. the funny part about it is the dream I was having when I woke up. I dreamt that I was a ninja, trying to track down another ninja, an old friend of mine named tony. there's no way he could be a ninja, that's just about impossible. me neither, really, but at least I have swords. anyway, I was trying to find this one really dangerous ninja to talk to, so he could tell me where to find tony. I found him outside and he ran down these stairs into a bunker/basement type room. he threw his sword out at me, but I caught it. I was trying to tell him i didn't want to fight him, and I tried to give him his sword back. but when I went in the room, he picked me up and threw me against the wall. that's when I woke up, and my heart was beating really fast. that used to happen to me a lot, so I know what to do. I take deep, slow, measured breaths. sometimes it takes a few minutes of that, but then my heartbeat slows back down. not this time. but, it wasn't really my heart. I also kept burping a lot too. so, it was gas. only, I didn't have any type of soda to drink, as is recommended. I settled in to wait it out, wondering if I'd have to go to the er if it didn't fix itself. I hate dr's, hate the er, hate waiting. it took a while, but it returned to normal. that was still most unpleasant. I thus need to become healthier. and actually do it this time. blah. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
5:18 pm	those new big mac snacker things are really good. they just are. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
11:14 pm	ha! this is from a dreadcentral listing of best and worst of the year. new moon made this guy's worst list, and he captured perfectly why I can't stand the female lead in that movie. "Bella Swan could very well be the worst female role model for young girls out there right now. Bella constantly needs a man to come to her rescue because she is incapable of doing anything to defend herself. When Edward decides to end their relationship for her own good, her reaction is collapse right there in the woods and remain seemingly catatonic until a police posse finds her. The break-up causes her to become a shell of a human being only brought to life by living dangerously. She constantly cockteases the nice underwearwolf, and when she talks of her reasons for liking him at all, it has more to do with how he makes her feel sane. Yeah, I think if I had a daughter, I'd rather her idolize Paris Hilton than Bella Swan." (Comment on this)
Friday, January 1st, 2010
5:43 pm	what the fuck?? I just saw a commercial for a blackberry. it has in the background "all you need is love." now.. in about the middle of the commercial, does it show a guy about to hit a woman? am I crazy? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 31st, 2009
7:11 pm	if anyone loves me, buy me this: http://orlando.craigslist.org/clt/1528185230.html (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 24th, 2009
9:44 pm	I start the wrapping of the gifts! I always leave it til the night before. I just like it better that way. tomorrow morning will be awesome. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season! hugs abounding! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
11:17 pm	the s in ups is for satan. I have a package due today. I get an infonotice saying they attempted delivery. I check ups.com. it says delievered. huh? they need a signature to release the package. I didn't sign it, as I wasn't here. I call ups. they tell me it shows as being delivered, and I have to contact the seller to request an investigation. that can take 8 business days. you're fucking kidding me? that puts it into NEXT year. I ask if it was marked delievered, why would I have an infonotice at all? they only leave those if a delivery attempt is unsuccessful. the driver probably mistakenly marked it delivered. the cust serv rep countered saying maybe the driver mistakenly filled out the infonotice. that angered me. what's more likely? that the driver left the package at my door and then somehow forgot that and never looked down at his feet while he filled out the infonotice? or that he clicked the wrong designation and chose delivered instead of attempt? doesn't the fact that I'm saying I don't have the fucking package lend a bit more credence? what's got me furious is that I asked them if they could just call the delivery center and ask them to look on the truck. she said no, they had no way to do that. wait just a fucking minute! you goddamm very well DO have that capability, because when I call to arrange for me to pick something up after other missed deliveries, you've always called over to them to have them call me. I point that out. she says their policy is the shipper has to ask for an investigation. I express my disgust, and tell her that is an absolutely MINDLESS policy. instead of wasting 8 days, we can get this done in 10 minutes tomorrow. nope. I have to call target and request a fucking investigation. I'm just going to go to the delivery center tomorrow and talk to someone in person. fucking dumbshits. anyway, my xmas spirit is buzzing otherwise. I love xmas! I'm absolutely and completely spoiling everyone this year. everyone is getting at least 2 gifts, minimum. I'm the only one who's doing ok, and thus I will make sure everyone is happy on xmas. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 27th, 2009
11:05 am	I conquered another black friday! I'm too tired and too disorganized right now to tally everything up. I spent lots of money tho. lots and lots. I resisted absolutely breaking the bank and getting the $500 tv, but I would've loved to. to start... Target: looking to stock up on their $60 1tb hard drives. a glitch in the plan... I overslept! I didn't get there til 5:30. there was only one left! but, I had a targetman go in the back and look, and he found the absolute last one in the store for me. much love to the targetman! in a non-gay, consumer way. I also got 2 dirt devils for $9, and a keyboard for $50, a piano-type keyboard, not a computer keyboard. the checkout line was very long, and I could see people ahead cutting in. the target security people did nothing about it. no love for them. Home Depot: 2 multi-tools for $10 each. multi-tools are cool, and both came with a free knife. they also had a steam mop for $25. I grabbed it, as I have tile floors, and haven't mopped them since I moved in. Staples: only looking for one thing there, the $9 targus laptop cooler. that's one of my sister's xmas presents. however, the line is also crazy long there. I decide to come back, as it's on my way. 7-11: gas, food, red bull. Compusa: it's now 7am. compusa has been open for 2 hours and they still have a line 30 people long just waiting to get in the store. I'm looking for 4 things here. a 22" widescreen 1080p lcd monitor for my other sister's xmas present. they have 4gb flash drives for $5. I get 4 of them, 2 for my brother. they have 8gb flash drives for $10. I get 2. at the checkout, they try to say they sold out of the ones in the ad earlier. I point out to them it's the EXACT same model, and make them give it to me for $10 instead of the $24.99 each was ringing up as. then, the last. my big splurge/indulgence, and the thing I was debating on. a 28" lcd 1080p monitor. I'd wanted it before and it'd been on sale as low as $279. I promised myself if it ever went down to $249, I would buy it. the main objection: I have a 25" monitor already on my quadblu, and the other comp has a 22", I think it is. it's 20" at least. so, I don't NEED it. it would be more prudent to not get it. however, I actually can afford it, and this year I'm sort of spoiling myself. thus, I got it. another Target: I stop by to check if they have any of the hard drives, but they do not. blah. home to drop everything off. I have a full car. Big Lots: only looking for one thing here, a 4gb video mp3 player for $20. I don't really expect them to have any left, and they don't. Wal-Mart: this is a bit out of order. I started my day off thanksgiving night. walmart had a bluray player for $78. that's the lowest I've ever seen one for. however, amazon had one for $99. I debated for a while about whether I should try to save the $40 (I'm getting 2 of them) and go to walmart, risking them not having any by the time I got there, and then amazon also having sold out by the time I got back. plus, that would mean going to walmart first. I figured there would be less people at target, so I ended up ordering them at amazon and going to target first. I stopped by walmart just because it was on the way and I wanted to see what was left over. I couldn't find ANYTHING they were showing in their ad. they had dvds for $2, and games for $7.50 and $10. I couldn't even the displays for them. there were too many people wandering around not paying attention. I fucking HATE that. watch where you're going! and don't stop in the middle of the fucking aisle, blocking EVERYONE behind you! blah! Old Time Pottery: I meant to go last week. I just wanted to see what they had, and pick up a little mini-xmas tree for my desk. I couldn't find one, but they did have some cool other stuff. I got this giant salad bowl, and a party tray. then I got these 3 cool teaspoons. I'm VERY weird in I like eating everything with teaspoons and salad forks. I got an onion chopper for my mom, and a cheese slicer for my brother-in-law. all told I spent like $27 there. Staples again: no lines, and they still had the notebook cooler. got it, and snagged one for myself. Target again: the same one I went to first. it was near staples, so I figured I'd check it out. they had a Thor shirt! but, sadly not in my size. I look at a few other things, but nothing catches my eye. Michaels: here for one thing, a craft/hobby desk for my niece. got it! now I'm back at home and my apt looks like a warehouse. I took a half day from work today. I'm going in at 4. and now, I sleep! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 26th, 2009
11:34 am	happy thanksgiving to all! (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
6:06 am	I'm awake when I should be asleep. xmas approaches. I love me some xmas. I love to give presents, and I must toot my own horn here in that I give radically awesome presents. I don't have the same big splash gift this year like I did last year in getting my sister's kids the wii. but they will do rightly fine by me. my nephew will clean up with transformers. my eldest niece gets a karaoke machine. the middle niece gets a gift card to a store called justice. sadly, it's apparently not a store to outfit youngsters in superhero gear, but I am told it will make her most happy. my sister will get a bigger and better computer monitor. my brother's already gotten his present, since when I ordered it and they delivered it to my mom's house, they didn't put it in a box, it just came in its regular box so he saw what it was. I'll also give him a wireless keyboard mouse combo and some rechargeable batteries. my other brother just gets cigarettes. my other sister gets the movie troy and a laptop cooling pad. my mom makes out this year like a bandit. this is the big gift I'm REALLY excited about. backstory: my mom gave me some old home movies of her and my dad, their wedding and just some other home movies. they'd been stored hellishly improperly, and I didn't think they could be restored. it's also really expensive to do that and have them converted over to dvd. but, I found this guy, and took it out to him, and he's doing it. and... it'll only cost $215 or so! that is a lot of money, but I was prepared for the guy to tell me it was going to cost over $1000. when my mom gave me the film I told her it was very doubtful it could be restored, so she has no idea this is being done. I'm also getting her a bluray player, and a 1 year subscription to netflix. so, she shall enjoy these things, and we'll all get to see my dad again. this makes me happy. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
12:26 am	holy shit! ken ober died! that's sad. remote control was pretty funny. (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 7th, 2009
1:29 pm	this is great. I'm super super sick, and now my car won't start. thankfully everything's still under warranty, and my performance plan thing includes free towing. blah. death would be pleasant. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 1st, 2009
8:52 pm	I shall soon be in possession of a wii. dell.com has them for $179. I jumped on it, and they even approved me for a dell preferred account. wheee! I know I'm very odd, but I actually don't mind being in debt a bit. here's my deal. I have the hardest time saving money. I love to buy things. so, if you tell me you'll sell me something for $179, but I can pay it off in 6 months paying $35, I don't really mind the interest you've earned off me. also, walmart has a great deal on a laptop for $348. and, nowhere on the ad does it say no rainchecks or limited supplies, or anything like that. if you're needing a laptop and have been saving up for a little bit and aren't looking for top of the line or anything, grab it. it's got a dual core processor, 4gb of ram, 250gb hard drive, and windows 7 64bit. I got approved for a walmart card, so I'll be using that as soon as it comes in, which should be this week. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 26th, 2009
11:54 pm	has anyone seen paranormal activity? if so, what is your opinion? warning: if you ventured forth to a theater, your version ends much differently than the one I saw. I youtubed the theatrical ending, and it's much better. I understand what they were trying to do... yet.. I didn't think it was that scary. (Comment on this)
3:21 pm	a post of emily's has given me a super idea for a story. I stayed home from work today with upset tummyness. blah. I must write more. (Comment on this)